June 2017 / Self-help, parenting & even writing / 4 minutes (850 words & many numbers)

years ago I emerged stressed out and worn out and not really all that well from a tough few years of my life (discussed in a previous blogpost). Luckily  I had the opportunity to leave my job and become the full time parent for my

children while chasing my dream and writing children’s fiction while they’re in school. I thought it would all be easy, but I was still burnt out. And parenting is not without its challenges. I  soon found myself overwhelmed at times by the day to day challenges such as a…

year old daughter who  didn’t want to eat all her vegetables and my son’s messy bedroom. Tiny issues mostly, but they felt big to me in my burnt out state. And writing was going slower than I hoped and not as well. My frustration started to overwhelm me quickly and I’d take it out on the kids. There was

time I slapped my hand off the wall in fury in front of them and many more times when I shouted. I wasn’t the parent I wanted to be. Nor the writer. But then again I thought I should be perfect at both of these tasks. I was being hard very myself for all these perceived failings. I thought the hard times were back again, but

night I watched a tv programme by Irish Psychologist Maureen Gaffney. She talked about developing the skills to take control of your mood and mental health.  One idea she suggested was that at the end of every week, you take a moment to think back and identify

good things that happened that week. She said that by doing that regularly you develop the cognitive skills to focus your mind on positives rather than negatives and you develop gratitude for what you have. You literally change your mind. Feeling inspired, I was sure that doing this

thing would fix everything. Plus I wanted a quick fix so I started doing it daily. But there was no immediate change. The only thing that I noticed was that I enjoyed taking that moment every night to list out those three things for which I was grateful. In fact I enjoyed this moment so much that I told my

children about it and started doing it with them. They agreed that each night before they went to sleep, they’d tell me

things from their day they liked and then I’d tell them

things I had done with them or seen them doing that I liked.  This became known in our house as the

Things.

thing I learned quickly  was never force my children to do them as the Three Things risked just becoming a chore for them. Sometimes my son was too grumpy or upset for whatever reason and didn’t do them. My daughter was hit and miss whether she wanted to them or not. Plus my son’s

things were initially always the same – TV, Books, Training – without any real thought. And just as often I just wanted those Three Things done with them so I could get them into bed and veg in front of the TV. But still I kept doing them with the kids at bedtime and just before I went to sleep at night. And

night my son had a nightmare and he did his three things to help stop thinking about his bad dream. And he got back to sleep. Now that’s a technique he uses or I encourage him to use whenever he has nightmares or worries.

day I got upset over something that wasn’t very important and my kids cheekily told me to do my three things. So I did them. And we all felt better. And now I do them regularly when I feel myself drift off into worries or anxiety about my writing or anything no matter what time of the day. And they really help. During a

week holiday myself and my wife did the three things together with both children every night. We laughed as we remembered the joy and fun of each day.  Now we do this together all of our holidays. Nearly

years have gone by since the

Things arrived into our lives and my life and my household and my children is not

blissful, serene moment of bliss after another. We and I still argue, moan, get overwhelmed and upset. We are inconsistent with the three things. Sometimes my son still doesn’t do them. My independent minded daughter only wants to hear my Three Things about her, not do her’s. And my writing still seems to be going slowly, but the Three Things help me focus on little moments of progress towards my goals. And

thing both myself and my family are slowly learning is that we can change our minds and moods. We can focus on positives and be grateful for the day to day wonders in our lives. We have only

life and the Three Things are one of the things that I do and we do as family to help us get the most out of it. And they’ll be tools to use to help us keep going on days in the future when hardship does genuinely hit us and it’s hard to see the positives at all. They’re not a miracle cure all, but honestly I couldn’t imagine my life without them. So go ahead give the

Things a try! They’re as easy as

Have you ever tried the three things? What are the other little tricks you’ve used to help you in stay motivated in your life, parenting and writing? Send me a comment (or 3) and tell me all about it.